Michelle Obama at the Democratic National Convention

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies...

I sat in tears watching Michelle Obama on last evening. I haven't had a lot of things to look forward to, or to bring me joy lately. But my tears on last evening, were of joy. I wept uncontrollably long after the speech and the interaction between Michelle, her daughters, and her wonderful husband ended. You didn't have to be black, a woman, married, or even a mother; to be touched by the compassionate words that were released from that beautiful, statuesque, courageous young lady's lips, you only had to be human. But as an African-American lady, a mother, and a strong advocate of family and of edifying the black man, I sat in awe of her presence, mesmerized by her words, and moved in my spirit by that family's "audacity of hope".

In case you were under a rock somewhere and missed it, I have conveniently included a link to the speech. Please watch. Please watch with your children. Please watch with your whole family.

Click here to view the video.


What a REMARKABLE moment in history...
What a PHENOMENAL way to exhibit black love and FAMILY...
What a PERFECT time for change!


Be sincere; Be brief; Be seated.
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

I am a FATHER needs your support

No need for me to jump on my normal soapbox. It's simple. The book is great, so please support it.

Phew.....It's been one of those weeks

I've started hating weekends. My life is now ruled by work and motherhood, and although weekends bring some rest, housework and kid activities, it's so great to hear the phone ringing with business and adult conversation, as well as the emails coming during the week. Most of my friends are married and have children. I live far away from them as well. And I don't call them at night or on weekends, because I feel that is family time, and anything outside of that is an interruption. So I feel a strong disconnect most times, but just kind of struggle through it.

I was speaking with a friend about my current (but I'm determined brief) situation, and he said that I could call him anytime. But I told him that me knowing that he was being the husband and father that he should be, and knowing that even if it took the last amount of strength that he had, he was going to stay committed to his wife and family---that was the only help that I needed. I need that hope. I need to know that there are relationships that are doing more than existing--they are succeeding.

Yet the challenge now for me is to really get a life. I need to have more hobbies--other than trying to help people. I had convinced myself that I was happy just helping others, but at some point, one can become empty. You need to be refilled, and that can't usually come from a person or relationship. It has to come from other sources of your life that you can pull from. I spent most of my year planning in one direction, and now I have to dust off plan B, and basically begin again. This is usually the routine for the end of the year, but a lot has changed in the world, in just a week. As if I didn't get it before, I definitely know what the line in Kirk Franklin's song "First Love" means...

"Ain't it funny, how a chapter can make a story change..."

Definitely truth to that one. But I truly believe that all is well. There is a Divine plan in action, even as I type these venting words. In spite of everything that life has thrown at me, it has made me stronger and more determined to live the good life and one day have the fairytale.

So sing it along with me...


After you've done ALL you can,
You just STAND.

FAIRYTALES DO COME TRUE...

...It's all in how you define them.

As a little girl, I used to think the fairytale was just being a wife and a "mommy". When you're a child, the world looks so different, and you actually think those dreams will come true, exactly the way you saw them. I want to help you to define or re-define your fairytale.

See, I'm completely over the whole Hollywood film version of the knight in shiny armor riding in on his white horse to sweep me off my feet fairytale. And for men, the one that includes the girl with the drop dead body parts, the great career, the excellent credit and has no kids and "no drama" in her life. It's great if that's what you want, and sometimes it actually happens that way--but remember, things aren't always as they appear to be.

I've learned as an adult, that no matter how great the story is on how you met, no matter how wonderful the whirlwind romance, no matter how fabulous the wedding--after all of that, there's life. After you've thrown the rice, are you now throwing bricks? How many people do you know concentrated more on being "in love" or the magical wedding (I call it the show to impress people you don't like and some you don't even know), then they get home and have to face life's challenges and can't cope?

We all know someone like that, and the sad thing is, we probably know more people who are unhappy in relationships, than who are succeeding in them. That just really hurts me--especially in the African-American community. As a single mother of 2 sons, I am extremely concerned about the images of black males in our communities and in media now, and it pains me that there is not more light for them to look to. I blame the bulk of this on the breakdown of the Black family.

Everyone has there own platform, and mine are being an advocate for the Black man, and advancing relationships for strong families--particularly the Black family. We can look to all of the reasons for the breakdown of both, going back as far as slavery. But the bottom line is, that when you learn better, you do better. I am so tired of the excuses for not doing better.

Ok, I'm bringing it to the big point now. This year was a huge turning point for me. I know that fairytales can come true, but I define the fairytale as a sustainable relationship, in which two people make a God-decision (not a good decision, because there is a difference) to stick together and be light in darkness for each other and for all of those who are watching them, even through life's challenges. The fairytale really isn't how you meet, but how you stay together. It really isn't how great you are when things are going well, but how you handle the tough times, knowing that you both are working together. It's about realizing that two people working for a common goal is always better than one. It's about recognizing that you were joined for something so much bigger than you individually or even collectively--that you were sent to set the standard for what functional and Godly relationships are supposed to look like. It's about teaching, mentoring and loving your children in a way not to keep them, but releasing them to be self-sufficient adults who love humanity, life and don't just work a job, but get paid to live. This is how I define the fairytale. I don't know what your fairytale is, but if it's destined to happily ever after, only you can make that choice.


After you've done ALL you can...
You just STAND.

Charity begins at home

I read a quote by Maya Angelou today that made me say AMEN sister. It is something that I constantly speak about to people who are close to me, and it's one of the traits that I am glad to say that I have worked hard to maintain. If you read my blog on the Essence of Time, you will completely understand what I mean.

Her quote simply read: "If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people that you love. Don't be surly at home, then start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers."

This is soooo important, because too often we take our fatigue, our frustrations and all of our negative energy and emotions out on those around us--those who are actually in our corner, and who already endure those emotions on our behalf. My mother often told me as a child, "no one suffers alone". Keeping that in mind, whether true suffering or going through uncomfortable or difficult situations, it is important to recall that as adults and spiritual beings, we first should understand that our loved ones are going to endure these emotions with us anyway, so we should remember to use care when dealing with those closest to us.

A perfect example. I have a friend, and every time he is tired or "the wind blows in the wrong direction", even if I greet him with a smile or answer his phone call in a pleasant tone, I receive a response that is not reciprocating my greeting. My initial thoughts usually include: "I didn't make you play basketball all morning until you're tired and irritable (hey, you're not 18 anymore!), so why are you taking it out on me? I didn't make you work until late into the night, so why are you blaming me for being sleepy? Whomever rubbed you the wrong way, sorry, but I'm not that individual!"

We need to stop basing situations around us on how we treat people, and realize that moments are very important. So, if you don't feel like talking, don't call. If you don't feel like being bothered, don't come around. Remember why you chose this person to be in your life, or if it's a family member, understand how they need, expect and should be treated.

See, love and care does not begin with strangers, co-workers or the guy/girl you're trying to impress. It begins at home, with the people who love you, and are for you--today and everyday.


Peace.

Take Your Heart off Display

I was speaking with a sista this evening, and she really stirred something up in me. She was expressing how she had been on and off with a guy for years, and she had done everything in her power to make him happy and fill the "voids" that she felt he had in his life. She even said that when he expressed to her that she wasn't what he was looking for in a wife, and told her what he did want, that she even attempted to become that. But of course, to no avail. She said they still hang out and that they are friends "with benefits" (how is it really benefiting her?). But she yearns in her heart for more--a real relationship to take the place of the substitute that they have become for each other; and constantly expresses that to him--whether it be verbally or through how much she physically does to express her "undying love."

I was told once, that I was a good listener, but not a great listener; because as most women do, I tend to interrupt to interject a thought that I feel will add value to the conversation. But I listened attentively to her, and only asked questions when I knew that she had completed her thoughts. Her heart felt words took me back to a familiar place, and it troubled my spirit that after all of this time had passed from their "official break-up," that she was still holding on so tightly to the dream of them being together.

Sometimes we're just called to listen. Other times, when we've actually been through situations, we need to speak up, and provide some wisdom. I used to say that women like that were stupid, naive and were just suffering from low self-esteem--until I became one of those women. It's really easy to speak on that which you've never dealt with, and some people don't see it until it happens to them. I know how hard it is to receive advise when you're in a dry place, and you don't know how to be delivered. I know what it feels like to not want to wake up, to be so depressed that you lose weight, your hair sheds and you ultimately lose who you are in the midst of your circumstances. I know how it feels to love so hard and pray so hard to have that love reciprocated, but it doesn't happen.

With all of these things in mind, my heart ached for her. I cried with her. I knew where she is, and it pained me to see another sista suffering like that. I wanted to pray with her, but she wasn't at that place. I wanted to tell her that she would find someone else who was perfect for her--but for one thing, that's selling her another dream, and furthermore, he is perfection to her right now, and no one else even compares. I wanted to tell her that time heals all wounds--but here she was after years of this same pain, and nothing had changed.

So all that was left was to give her tough love. And I remembered a line in Heather Headley's song "Why Should I Cry," and I told her in one sentence: Take your heart off display.

Ok, if you wanna continue to be around this guy, then that's your decision. But realize, that the difference between getting him totally out of your life, and staying around wishing... and hoping... and praying, is that yes, once you get away for real, you will still hurt. But after a while, it will stop. However, if you continue to stay, then you continue to hurt. It's your decision. And while you're still hangin out and collecting "benefits," and deciding what you're really going to do, take your heart off display.

For those who have been there-- and done that, I know you feel me. Peace.

The Independent Black Film Festival

Ok, I know I'm supposed to holla about some unjust situtation or hidden racism; but this time, I have to holla in a positive way.

I was given this opportunity to moderate 3 different panel discussions this week at the Independent Black Film Festival, held in Atlanta, GA. To be totally honest, I thought it was a nice opportunity, and I really admire and am very fond of the CEO of the festival, Asante Addae; however, I am so accustomed to being in the background with my clients, as opposed to the forefront, that I didn't see a lot of value in it for myself professionally. But, as it turns out, it really re-ignited a flame within me, that I felt had gone away.

I went to college aspiring to be an anchor woman. But as I tell most of my associates and friends, when you're young, you're really sold a dream. Being a divorced mother of two by the time I graduated, even after doing internships, I just wasn't in the position to commit to a starting reporter's assignments or salary. I really should have been taking more classes in the field that I am working in now.

Well, to keep from babbling, as moderator for these panel discussions, it was much like interviewing as a reporter and/or journalist. It was so refreshing to me, and I really felt comfortable and at home with facilitating the flow of the discussions. I mean, I was sharing the dais with very prominent African-Americans in the broadcasting, media, film and entertainment industries, and just a side note, I am sooo over being star struck, that it is hilarious. Whereas, I noticed some of my audience members in the various sessions in total awe of some of the panelists--such as Leon, from Waiting to Exhale, The 5 Heartbeats and The Temptations, but I was sooo beyond seeing them as these sex symbols or anything other than successful individuals in their craft. I was really professionally engaged in the topics, the questions and their responses.

So, in essence, although I really love what I am doing now, and prayerfully will continue to grow professionally and my business will flourish and my territory will enlarge, I really am excited about taking it the next level by pursuing my original goal, and possibly doing some work as a freelance reporter/journalist.

I would advise my readers to check out the Independent Black Film Festival by clicking on the title. Shout out to Asante, for putting together a great event once again, and to Dore, for keeping me in the loop and taking care of me before and after my sessions. My people, let's continue to support each other in our great works.


Peace.