I am a FATHER needs your support

No need for me to jump on my normal soapbox. It's simple. The book is great, so please support it.

Phew.....It's been one of those weeks

I've started hating weekends. My life is now ruled by work and motherhood, and although weekends bring some rest, housework and kid activities, it's so great to hear the phone ringing with business and adult conversation, as well as the emails coming during the week. Most of my friends are married and have children. I live far away from them as well. And I don't call them at night or on weekends, because I feel that is family time, and anything outside of that is an interruption. So I feel a strong disconnect most times, but just kind of struggle through it.

I was speaking with a friend about my current (but I'm determined brief) situation, and he said that I could call him anytime. But I told him that me knowing that he was being the husband and father that he should be, and knowing that even if it took the last amount of strength that he had, he was going to stay committed to his wife and family---that was the only help that I needed. I need that hope. I need to know that there are relationships that are doing more than existing--they are succeeding.

Yet the challenge now for me is to really get a life. I need to have more hobbies--other than trying to help people. I had convinced myself that I was happy just helping others, but at some point, one can become empty. You need to be refilled, and that can't usually come from a person or relationship. It has to come from other sources of your life that you can pull from. I spent most of my year planning in one direction, and now I have to dust off plan B, and basically begin again. This is usually the routine for the end of the year, but a lot has changed in the world, in just a week. As if I didn't get it before, I definitely know what the line in Kirk Franklin's song "First Love" means...

"Ain't it funny, how a chapter can make a story change..."

Definitely truth to that one. But I truly believe that all is well. There is a Divine plan in action, even as I type these venting words. In spite of everything that life has thrown at me, it has made me stronger and more determined to live the good life and one day have the fairytale.

So sing it along with me...


After you've done ALL you can,
You just STAND.

FAIRYTALES DO COME TRUE...

...It's all in how you define them.

As a little girl, I used to think the fairytale was just being a wife and a "mommy". When you're a child, the world looks so different, and you actually think those dreams will come true, exactly the way you saw them. I want to help you to define or re-define your fairytale.

See, I'm completely over the whole Hollywood film version of the knight in shiny armor riding in on his white horse to sweep me off my feet fairytale. And for men, the one that includes the girl with the drop dead body parts, the great career, the excellent credit and has no kids and "no drama" in her life. It's great if that's what you want, and sometimes it actually happens that way--but remember, things aren't always as they appear to be.

I've learned as an adult, that no matter how great the story is on how you met, no matter how wonderful the whirlwind romance, no matter how fabulous the wedding--after all of that, there's life. After you've thrown the rice, are you now throwing bricks? How many people do you know concentrated more on being "in love" or the magical wedding (I call it the show to impress people you don't like and some you don't even know), then they get home and have to face life's challenges and can't cope?

We all know someone like that, and the sad thing is, we probably know more people who are unhappy in relationships, than who are succeeding in them. That just really hurts me--especially in the African-American community. As a single mother of 2 sons, I am extremely concerned about the images of black males in our communities and in media now, and it pains me that there is not more light for them to look to. I blame the bulk of this on the breakdown of the Black family.

Everyone has there own platform, and mine are being an advocate for the Black man, and advancing relationships for strong families--particularly the Black family. We can look to all of the reasons for the breakdown of both, going back as far as slavery. But the bottom line is, that when you learn better, you do better. I am so tired of the excuses for not doing better.

Ok, I'm bringing it to the big point now. This year was a huge turning point for me. I know that fairytales can come true, but I define the fairytale as a sustainable relationship, in which two people make a God-decision (not a good decision, because there is a difference) to stick together and be light in darkness for each other and for all of those who are watching them, even through life's challenges. The fairytale really isn't how you meet, but how you stay together. It really isn't how great you are when things are going well, but how you handle the tough times, knowing that you both are working together. It's about realizing that two people working for a common goal is always better than one. It's about recognizing that you were joined for something so much bigger than you individually or even collectively--that you were sent to set the standard for what functional and Godly relationships are supposed to look like. It's about teaching, mentoring and loving your children in a way not to keep them, but releasing them to be self-sufficient adults who love humanity, life and don't just work a job, but get paid to live. This is how I define the fairytale. I don't know what your fairytale is, but if it's destined to happily ever after, only you can make that choice.


After you've done ALL you can...
You just STAND.