The Independent Woman

I want to tackle the theory of being an "Independent Woman" in this day in time, as opposed to the traditional woman--but with a twist. Let me preface my thoughts, by saying that I know God did not create every woman to think the way that I do; neither am I stating that my views are the only way of life or even a preferred way of life. However, I want to merely provoke thought, and as usual, I welcome your opinions in return.

I'm just going to "let it roll off of my tongue, like it tastes bad." I'm really tired of the whole concept of the "independent woman." I know that we as women don't have it like the men, because we have to chosen and accept being chosen; since biblically, we aren't suppose to go out and choose--although some do try to flip the script. But accept with clarity, that I am only speaking to the women who make a conscious choice to take the lead in relationships or choose to be alone because of the "I don't need a man" train of thought. To me, it's not about needing a man, but, well, just check out my point.

I don't want anyone to feel that I am pushing the feminist movement back 200 years, but speaking from personal experience, I wear the labels that society attaches to me, from a basis of "because I have to"--only. Such as: single mother, divorced mother, business owner, head of household, etc. I was told by an acquaintance that these labels are not who I am, but they are part of my journey. Whereas, you may not see any problem; being the individual that I am, I don't "receive" being thought of in these terms, regardless.

I know that I am a minority when I take this stance, but if given the reasonable opportunity, I would prefer whole-heartedly to allow marriage and motherhood take priority over my life. Of course, my spirituality would play a pivotal role in the whole scheme of things, but because of my spirtitual grounding, and my total lack of issues with submission; my decision to come under the authority of a man of God would play the lead into this way of life. I already know that I have some eyes--and necks rolling, but hear me out if you will!

I am not speaking of the let a man take care of me, and I go shop at fashion boutiques and sip lattes at Starbucks and organize play dates for the kids with the rest of the upper echelon mentality! I'm speaking of a partnership that works, because it is covered and ordained by my higher power of choice--God. This means that when the husband sets out the plan for our lives, then that's how it will be--whether it includes me working outside the home, inside the home or both. If I have trusted God, according to His word, to provide a man after His own heart, then there is no question or problem with the standard that the husband sets for our family.

Now let me take it further: No one has the right to abuse authority or love for their own selfish purposes. So when submission is given, it needs to be received with appreciation, consideration and fairness. Submission was never inevitable, as there are plenty of examples in homes today. It is a choice, birthed out of love and respect.

I speak with so many women, who when I tell them my views on the Destiny's Child theory of "I can pay my own bills, don't need a man, blah, blah, blah"--they say they are not built like I am. They would not be able to accept a man managing the money for both of them, and/or the thought of being a stay at home mom would just drive them utterly insane. And of course, they are entitled to their own thoughts and preferences. But are there any ladies left like me? Not the ones who want to wake up late, watch soap operas all day, the house isn't clean when their husbands get home, they're on the phone when he walks in the door, dinner isn't prepared---no, not you. But I am speaking to the ladies who understand that men, especially Black men, go through enough drama during the day, that their home should be their heaven. You shouldn't be talking on the phone when he walks in, because he may need you. If he wants you to run his bath water--then do it, with a smile. Now ladies, get that look off of your face--because, if he was really chosen for you, then you are receiving equal treatment in some manner, so you really won't mind.

But on the flip side of this, are their any men who still appreciate this type of woman? No, not you who just feels that you have hired help--at no cost, barefoot and pregnant syndrome, don't want to make a full commitment--just want some "sugar" on the side, don't make enough money to support the both of you--but won't allow her the freedom to add to the income for a better life, and definitely not the emotional, mental or physical abusers; no--not you either. But the men who live by the good book and are a little "old school." The last boy scouts who will open doors, be romantic (even, excuse me, especially after they're married), be a positive role model for the kids, teach spirituality, communicate effectively, lead and follow the plan for the family.....just be THE MAN! Do they still exist?

Don't get me wrong, I know that in more than cases than not, women are certainly the back bone and leaders of our churches, our businesses, communities and government; and I am by no means asking them to take a back seat to men as a whole. But I see everyday, that another way of life, of which I cherish very deeply, seems to be slipping away--if it's not already gone forever. Nobody blames the woman who has gotta do what she's gotta do, and of course, I understand that completely. But for those women who choose to limit themselves to a way of living, that I feel God did not create us for, I just don't understand. Peace.